Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy,
maganda, hindi
selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!
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TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya
nang hindi siya
mababastos?
SAGOT: "Uhm, excuse me, miss...Mang Tomas ba ang
lotion mo?"
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Aanhin ko ang napakalaking bahay, mamahaling sasakyan,
milyun-milyong
kayamanan, at masasarap
na pagkain kung ang kapit-bahay ko ang may-ari ng mga
iyun?!
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Nanay: Ano 'tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?
Anak : Hindi po 'yan zero, 'Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako
ng moon! Moon la ng 'yan, 'Nay, promise!
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Mga sikat na salawikain:
Better late than pregnant.
Kapag may tiyaga, good luck!
Aanhin pa ang damo...kabayo ba ako?
Do unto others, then, run! Run! Run!
Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika ay lumaki sa ibang bansa.
Ang lalaking nagigipit, sa bakla kumakapit.
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Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: Di ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw Pepe?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala..
Guro: Di nyo kilala si Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section sya!
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Paano humamon ng AWAY ang ... BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!
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Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw
na
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!
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Pedro: Pare balita ko bading ka daw. totoo ba?!
Ambo: Pare, Mga chismax lang 'yun galing sa mga chuvanes na walang magawa sa mga chenilyn
nila.... chura nila! hmpf!
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Boy: Di na tuloy ang kasal natin
Girl: Bakit?!
Boy: Kuya mo kasi eh!
Girl: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng Kuya ko!
Boy: Yun nga eh...gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!
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Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!
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BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
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Misis: Lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti
dito sa kanto. (Timing dumaan ang mister nya...)
Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?
Mister: Yoko sayo...kamukha mo misis ko!
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Bigo ka ba sa luv? eto mga gud partner...
Kuba: Mapagkumbaba
Pilay: Hindi ka tatakbuhan
Bulag: walang paki sa looks mo
Pipi: Hindi nagbibitiw ng bad words
Duling: Hindi ka hahayaang mag-isa!
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American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
American: Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
Pedro: Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul.
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Biyaya na makukuha sa Gulay:
AMPALAYA - pampapula ng dugo
KALABASA - pampalinaw ng mata
TALONG - pampatirik ng mata
MANI - pampatirik ng TALONG. Ay! nalito na ako.
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Quote for the Day...
Ang Buhay ay parang bato...it's Hard.
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Love is a hidden fire, a pleasant sore, a soothing pain, an agreeable torment, a sweet wound, in short - a gentle death!
Ang lalim! Shit! Dati Love is blind lang, eh!
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Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!
Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa buhay, lahat ng problema mo problema ko... ano problema natin?
Mister: Nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama!
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Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo...dito lang ako... dito lang talaga ako...tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako.
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Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
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babae: nong! sakay ko!
drivr: cge! asa man ka?
bbae: diha lang sa kanto! naay bayad ang bata?
drivr: ay libre lang kay duol man.
bbae: ah, ang mosabak naay bayad?
drivr: wala gihapon!
bbae: cge nak! sabaka ko...
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Customer: Day, kape.
Tindera: Tag P10 na ra ba.
Customer: Diba tag P8 ra na?
Tindera: Nimahal naman gud ang gasolina.
Customer: Ah, ayaw na lang butangig gasolina!
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TEACHER: give me a tag question.
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?
TEACHER: Very good! Ibinisaya, dong.
PUPIL: Ang akong maestra gwapa, wa sya kuyapi?
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anak: ma, busog nako, dili nako mahurot
mama: hutda dyud na! kabaw baka nga daghan gipang gutom sa kalibutan?
anak: nya kung ako ni hutdon, mabusog sila?!
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Doc: Ma'am, naa kay breast cancer.
Ma'am: ha? tinuod ka doc? dili man ko katuo sa imong gisulti! i'm healthy! naa pa ka second opinion?
Doc: Bati pa jud kag nawong!
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