Depression

We do get depressed at some point of our lives and no one is exempted. The first time you ever experience it, you struggle what to do or what to feel. But as you get depressed again and again you somehow learn how to cope with it. Each person has a different way on how to handle it. Here is mine:

1. Listen to loud music especially Rage Against the Machines and Pearl Jam. These bands are my favorites and they are with me everytime I feel down.
2. Eat a lot. Anything I can grab on, edible that is, I put it in my mouth. I just eat and eat and eat.
3. I smoke. Yes, I smoke. No one knows even my family and closest friends because I don't let anyone see me when I'm smoking. Sorry Mom!
4. I write poems. I don't know why but I can compose poems and I feel broken. Not that I can't when I'm happy. Its just that I get driven to write when I'm depressed.
5. As I always tell myself, I'm a great pretender. I pretend to be happy when I'm not. I pretend to smile when my heart is crying. I pretend that I have moved on while all the while I am grieving.

These are the common things I do when I am depress. How about you?

Harder Than I Thought

Moving on has been a bit familiar with me since I've been into so many relationships. It's easy for me to let go and I already know how to handle all the emotions we go through when a love story comes to an end. But this one I'm into right now is all different. It has been 5 months and still I haven't made a single step forward. I still think about her. Worse, I still hope that one day she'll come knocking at my door again. The truth is, she already have someone else. "She moved on while I'm still grieving" as the song says. I'm telling my self everyday that I'm already over her but every time I look deep into my heart, she's still there. At the end of the day I'm still so hurting. The pain of losing her is ever present. I'm still agonizing and so broken. I always wish that she still loves me. Well I guess I fooled my self thinking that I already moved on because the truth is I'm still in love with her.

I can still taste my tears when she left me. I can still hear my words begging her not to go. I can still feel her last embrace as she bids farewell. But I do still love you... I'm so much in love with you.

Since You Came

for all the times that you were there,

be it a sunny or rainy weather.

even at the midst of your storm,

you picked me up when i was so torn.

you unceasingly cheer me up,

most often bringing me to a laugh.

an ear that is always ready to listen,

a radiant smile that always glisten.

the trees are swaying, the birds are singing.

the sun is warm and the clouds are dancing.

being with you is never a dull moment.

and meeting you is never an accident.

since you've been around i've been better.

how i wish we could always be together.

you and me together... forever.

Laugh Out Loud

I've never laughed so hard like this for a very long time till tonight. It's like I can't stop laughing at my picture and my friend's picture I've edited. A really good laugh. It left my jaw and belly aching. My heart pounding fast and I can barely breath. What a blast!

Fireproof

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation but love in its truest sense is not based on feelings but a determination to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.